Difficult Conversations. How to Discuss What Matters Most. How to Discuss What Matters Most. By Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen and Bruce Patton Read by. Mar 11, One of the best business books I’ve ever read is Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen. It’s a short, practical. Summary of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most By Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen Summary written by Conflict Research.

Author: Shar Kaganris
Country: Mauritius
Language: English (Spanish)
Genre: Health and Food
Published (Last): 27 August 2006
Pages: 343
PDF File Size: 2.42 Mb
ePub File Size: 12.76 Mb
ISBN: 185-1-42556-215-7
Downloads: 61682
Price: Free* [*Free Regsitration Required]
Uploader: Muzahn

For example, an undocumented migrant laborer and a member of the Romney clan will have very different life-experiences to inform their views on, say, the police. Difficult conversations are difficult because there are feelings involved.

However, especially in the male-dominated upper echelons of Corporate North America, it is important that we women know how to set dififcult emotions aside and be equal powers at the discussion table. Three goals that do support conversation are to learn the other’s story, paton express your own views difficult conversations stone patton heen emotions, and to problem-solve.

Anything to avoid confronting difficult conversations stone patton heen object of my discom I don’t read many self help books any more and apparently according to Goodreads I’ve already read this one before and rated it 3 stars.

You may fool yourself into thinking you can find an objective emotional space. What does each involved part think occurred? Oct 01, Jessica rated it it was amazing.

I am very glad that I read this book, and I feel sure that hren will have a positive impact on all difficult conversations I have from here on out. To conversayions the discomfort of dealing with difficult conversations stone patton heen emotions and heated words, people block out their feelings.


Even If You Can’t Work It Out Keep in mind that all this hippie-dippy stuff about listening to the other person’s story and exploring feelings and reframing blame into contribution doesn’t mean you cave into whatever they want you to do.

Strive for authenticity rather than eloquence.

Also, when you try to raise the issue of contributions during a difficult conversation, own your contributions to the problem first, then explain what you think they contributed. Describing them carefully can be. Or should you let them have it?

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most

difficult conversations stone patton heen Sometimes someone really just needs to be hears: Now that you are going to be heard, what do you say? Typically, when the conversation does occur the parties think and feel a lot more than they actually say. The authors offer techniques for having more effective, fruitful discussions.

When a person does walk away, they should explain why, describing their interests, feelings and choices.

Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Sheila Heen, Bruce Patton |

The authors circumvent the issue by pretending that children don’t exist. Published April 1st by Penguin Books first published April 1st So those are the three conversations: But discomfort and awkwardness are not limited to topics on the editorial page.

It is a trap. There’s no reason why not to recommend this book to everyone.

Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone

Doing this gets all the important pieces out in the open without triggering anyone. Do not present your views as if they were the one-and-only truth. Swallow your views and feel like a doormat? View all 3 comments.


Can lead to struggles and bad feelings. People tend to assume that they know what the other’s intentions are. Whose feelings are appropriate? Ask them what they would do in your position. Thanks for telling us diffjcult the problem.

One of these friends dismissed the book and basically said everything in it was obvious. This is an insidious way of pushing management speak into the minds of workers in order unconsciously align their thoughts with that of management. Acknowledge the power difficult conversations stone patton heen importance of the other person’s feelings, both expressed and unexpressed. All-or-nothing thinking can make people more vulnerable to identity crises–as either lovable or worthless, oatton or evil.

Sometimes one difficulty in conversations is that identities are threatened. Contributing to a situation does not imply being blameworthy for that situation; leaving your car unlocked contributes to its being stolen, but certainly does not make you to blame for the theft. If he can live with that, xtone indeed prefers that, then going off with his friends makes sense. The authors say that “the sfone most important rule about managing the interaction difficlut this: You know what their impact was; you don’t know what their intent was.

Often the conversation does not difficult conversations stone patton heen address the participants’ feelings, but these emotions inform it, and determine its intensity and course.